Break-ups suck but you don't have to. Just when you're on top, baby, they pull you back down. But it's okay, because we've all been there before. Although you might feel like the world is crashing down, and you can't seem to understand why it's happening, why him/her, why now, there is always a light at the end of that miserable tunnel. Our NYC instructors open up on their biggest break up flops, and their best advice for getting back to being #FLAWLESS.
My best break-up advice: remember that you are the ISH. Your ex is an idiot. Play some Bey, get back to your sexy and MOVE ON. You don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you and who can't see you for the queen you are.
When I had my heart broken I thought my world was over. He was the only guy for me. I would never find anyone else and probably die sad and alone. After a few months of crying, sleeping, not eating and general self-loathing I decided to say "F*CK GUYS!" and focus on myself and my career. While I was still sad and a little worried I would never find "true love," I threw myself into lots of dance classes, auditions, Bikram yoga and work. I realized that when you focus on yourself and you are happy with who you are, and don't care what guys or anyone else thinks, that is when you are the most attractive to someone else. This was the point in my life when I was having a lot of success in my professional dance career and it seemed like everyone wanted to hire me! So here are my best two tips for getting over a breakup:
1. Focus on yourself and being who you are and doing what makes you happy. That positive energy will radiate out into the universe and will come back to you in many forms, not just the love department.
2. The best way to get over someone is to get on top of someone else!
I had just finished performing a ballet piece in a daytime festival. Immediately after I left the stage, I found my then-musician-boyfriend in the audience and he followed me sheepishly (SANS FLOWERS) out to the crowded street. We found a semi-private place to chat, after I was all "LET'S TALK." (Y'all know what that means). It was hard for me, and it was truly horrible timing, but there I was, practically still in costume, crying in public with someone I had been with for two years. While he's suggesting that perhaps we keep trying, and we're hugging and reminiscing, this young eager dude fucking interjects with: "Hey, you're so-and-so, I love your music, man!" This perks up my fleeting goldfish of a lover and they get totally lost in conversation as I'm left with half a falsie (flase eyelash) hanging off of my eyelid, zero flowers, and all the reasons to move on.
Finding love is hard work and requires patience and dedication. You may not be exactly 'the one' for everyone you share a romance with. But just remember this: for every frog you kiss or terrible date you have to endure, it is just one step closer to 'the one' just for you. Dust yourself off, shine up your armor, and hop on your horse to ride into the battlefield of Love.
Everyone comes in to our life to teach us something. When a relationship ends, instead of focusing on the shitiness of the situation, focus on the positive and what you have learned. Let the lesson help you shape your idea of the best possible relationship you can imagine. It's out there but you have to be willing to work on yourself for it to come along.
When you are feeling low: Workout and stay out! Being at home leads to eating massive amounts of sugar. Hang with the girlfriends, gym, pick up a new book or a new hobby. Stay busy!!!
Break-ups are really tough. The pain is real. But break-ups also bring you closer to what matters or the people I like to call my "ride or die" gang. For me, that's God, family and close friends. If you're going through a break-up, get up, shower, throw on an outfit/hair/make up combo you can rock, and surround yourself with your "ride or die," the ones who will pull through no matter what. Rely on them and their outside perspective - if you can do that and know you'll get through it - you'll be already over it before it even begins.
My worst break up happened at 4AM after copious amounts of drinking. It was awful. I threw a shirt at him, I think. (#drama) I felt pretty terrible for a while after, but then I remembered that I'm fierce as f*ck and don't need a man to remind me of that. So I got a killer new pair of heels that made me, like, 6 feet tall, busted out all of my sexiest outfits, and spent the next week living, dancing, and getting OVER it.
Break ups are hard! If you're going through one, have patience with yourself and know you are not the first person to walk in these mighty shoes. If billions before you have done it, you can do it too. One break-up for me was extra tough. I slept so little. I had no appetite. And believe me, I always have an appetite! I'd cry everywhere. I'd cry when I'd wake up and I'd cry myself to bed. I locked myself in the bathroom at the Cheesecake Factory during a family reunion and I cried there, too. I even cried in my dreams! But then one day, in the middle of a fit of crying, I realized that I didn't have to throw away this love for this person, even if he didn't want it. I still had this love because I had created it. It could never be lost or destroyed, just re-channeled. It was mine to keep! And if I could love someone else this much, well then, how much love could I give to myself?? I gave myself a big hug and I told myself: "I love you, I'm here for you, you're not alone." And that was my mantra to get through it.
Oye! Its kinda hard! But here's the story of my first real break-up:
It was high school, track season, and in the grand tradition of my 4X100 team, we all selected what guy we thought was cute/we'd go after for the season. I wasn't particularly partial towards anyone that year so I choose the first guy I thought was cute and held eye contact with me for more than 5 seconds (this is how all great decisions are made.) We hung out for a few weeks before he asked me to be his girlfriend. Verbatim my response was, "Ehhhh... OK."
Long build up for a break-up story, I know! Just want to make it clear that I decided to do what I did next not because I felt particularly hurt or betrayed by this guy, but because I thought he needed to learn a lesson! I did what I did so that he would think twice before he cheated on his next girlfriend. I did it for her. Because well, from where I stood, this guy needed to learn a few things. Neither of us felt particularly strong about the other person, he's obviously just asked me to be his girlfriend so that he could cheat on me and brag to allllll of his friends.
Besides, the timing was perfect. The same hour I found out he had cheated on me (with multiple people), I also found out I had Mono. For the next week I played it cool, kept going out with him, pretending everything was dandy. I liked the acting role more than I care to admit. That Saturday we had plans to go mini golfing. I said I'd meet him at his house. Before going out, I suggested we make a pit stop on his bed. I pushed him down, aggressively made-out with him for a minute before sitting up and saying, "I know you cheated on me. I've had Mono for the last week. I hope you get it, you bastard." ...And then I walked out.
I had a gaping hole in my heart when my 7 year relationship ended. I got over the heartbreak by finding ways to make myself whole again. Spirit, body and mind.
I cried out to God in my pain and I was comforted and given hope for a future much better then what I had in my past. I reached out to spiritual mentors that would guide me in the right direction when I couldn't see straight. I read inspirational books, meditated, journaled, volunteered, and surrounded myself with amazing company.
I put myself on a consistent workout routine, and chose to eat foods that would give me LIFE - not feel sluggish and depressed. I stopped drinking alcohol for 10 months because that's how long it took me to feel whole again. I didn't want to take this giant void I had and try to fill it with substances that I knew were temporary fixes. I believe you have to face your issues head on and in a sober mind to ever overcome them and truly heal.
One day you make a choice to fall in love with yourself by treating yourself better then anyone else ever could.
Break ups... I've had many and believe it or not I'm the one who people usually break up with. Hard to believe right? I KNOW! Every break up is different and it's so easy to blame the other person, but you have to be honest with yourself and figure out what your role was in this break up especially if you have a pattern.
I often think about the good times that I've had with that person, which is hard to do because the normal response to a break up is that you want to wish that person BAD LUCK/HARM/PAIN/ILLNESS/MISERY (or maybe that's just me being bitter.) I always try to take the higher road and never let that person see me sweat because once you do, you just gave them the POWER!!! So just concentrate on all the good times that you had together and take every relationship as a learning process and eventually you will find that right person. #yumyum